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But just because a relationship doesn’t last doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worthy.

Generally when we think of ‘failed relationships,’ anger is the first emotion to surface. I get angry at my exes for not being who I wanted them to be.

‘But you have high standards,’ a fried of mine reminded me when my most recent relationship began to turn sour. So what? I thought. Isn’t it better to have high standards?

The thing with high standards is that it is very hard to accept people for who they are if you always want them to be something else. (Thankfully people are different and one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure.)

Plus my yearning for standards has a sinister side.

I test my boys early on in the relationship. But I don’t tell them that I am testing them. No, that would be logical and all logic goes out the window when I enter a relationship.

Once they fail the test, I loose respect. I don’t tell them that I have lost respect. I just get more and more annoyed until my annoyance reaches boiling point finally causing me or him to end the relationship.

I have no problem admitting that I was complicit in the demise of the relationship but there is a danger point with this type of thinking too.

It serves no purpose to blame. We can only recognise and try to improve. And I have to accept that it might take me time to improve. That’s just the way it is. I am not a robot.

But I also have the right to take their behaviour into consideration and assess where it went wrong for me. If I look at this honestly I can usually spot the exact trait that drove me mad.

It’s typical that when a relationship ends, we sit around wondering why that person doesn’t love us anymore. What’s difficult to accept is that we wanted the relationship to end and that’s why it ended.